My Sweet Ocean: JUNIPER TREE

REPRIEVE (and 101 synonyms.)

Definition:

Relief, temporary or permanent,

from something that is uncomfortable,

painful or otherwise negative.

(See previous post…Harrod Springs)

WHY THIS BLOG

My Sweet Ocean is inspired by my recent journey to the Holy Land. This 17 day period was one of the HIGHLIGHTS of my life! It sits right up there with the day I got married, and the birth days of my two beautiful children. I am so blessed!

This has been a dream of mine since mine since I was young. While I was in college, I submitted my application to study abroad at the Jerusalem Center. On the day of the deadline to get money back, I knew, though I didn't know why at the time, that I was NOT to pursue that opportunity. I drove down to the University in a horrible snowstorm at 6am so that I could get my application money back before it was too late.

I never questioned my decision to pull out, But did wondered why I didn't feel like I should take that lifetime opportunity, thinking I'd never get a chance again.

As last year approached and we were told of the opportunity that we could part take in to accompany Todd's parents and other family members on a tour group to the Holy Land- I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with question. worry. excitement. responsibility. Was this an opportunity that I was supposed to take? It must be. But really? Right now? Todd and I were just gearing up to the idea of another round of fertility medicine in hopes of expanding our family. We have always wanted more than 2 children. We had already put it off longer than we wanted. Why was this opportunity coming at this time? A few things had taken place with in the 6 months prior, that helped clarify our decision. One of those was a blessing I had received, which helped me recognize that I was embarking on a different season in my life. That a crossroads was eminent and to set my sights on what those roads might be. Another interesting aspect was that even though Todd and I were planning to move forward with adding to our family, we had made the decision against the fertility medicine, (which the prescription was in our hands, and we through it away) just 4 days before finding out about the opportunity to go to Israel. We had already known that we were not to pursue that avenue at that time. Things began to make a little sense.

I still thought though, - if I go I will have to wait an entire year to have another child. I don't know if that's what the Lord wants for us. Is it a wrong choice? Is it a right choice? Do I leave my children? They are young. Who will watch them? Will they be OK. What if we aren't OK. This is a big risk. Is it irresponsible? OR...is this one of those roads that I should take?

We made the decision to move forward with this amazing trip.

I knew as it got closer I would have some worries and fear. But it was a decision that from the minute I knew- only had one answer. The answer to GO! It was the timing I had a hard time with. The only thing that would have stopped me, would have been-something wrong with one of my children. Myself, Todd or the whole Tour being canceled. Which towards end of the wait- as it got close, with EGYPT falling apart and an Israeli bus bomb- I was almost at my whits end wondering WHY? WHY? Please cancel the trip. I knew I would never cancel on my own... so I prayed that the tour would be cancelled. I knew I would never cancel on my own...because from day one...the decision was right. Though I had to muster all my courage and faith- I was going to go. About 6 weeks prior to leaving, babysitting was a worry. Things were starting to unravel. That is one of the times I was starting to get down and think- no way. I can't leave my children that long and not know that everything is in place perfectly. With in a matter of 2 days, somehow miraculously every little was taken care of on that end...even to the extent of having double coverage if needed. I had commitments and support for the kids which was immeasurable. I had a calmness that they would be taken care of.

A week or so before we left, when my nerves were at their highest, I remember contemplating the small but present fact that I might not make it home. That accidents do happen. That we are traveling to the other side of the world, and that there was even a small possibility that we would have a difficult time getting home if the middle east were to have some type of uprising where we were. I remember clearly, making a conscious decision that if anything were to happen to me or Todd- that this was still, the right decision, and one that for us as individuals and as a couple would have a lasting and eternal impact for good on our family and children. It was then that I put all my hopes, faith, and fears into my Savior and set out on one large part of mine errand for the Lord.

Now- as we have returned and my dreams have come to fruition, I am amazed at the miracles that have and do take place in my life. More so than ever before. I have more TRUST. more LOVE. more FAITH in my Father in Heaven and in His Son. They are in the details of my life! They run the show. I have always known this...but I am now learning to allow them to lead me more fully into what they would have me do.

I still feel that I am in a season of crossroads, trying to figure out which paths I should be taking as some opportunities are quickly emerging, while others are fading.

With this though, I am excited! I feel I have so much to do. So many things to accomplish- and not enough time to do it. I only hope I will continue to find Joy in my journey- and sunshine for my soul!

I've found myself wanting to share more of my thoughts and journeys of this trip with all of you who have inquired, and those who know the depth of what this experience has meant to me.

I want to thank John and Anne for sharing this amazing opportunity with us. For being instruments in the Lords hands for Todd and I to enjoy this opportunity with them and his brothers and Lesa. I wish even more of the family could have been involved. My questions and prayers as a young adult, wondering why I was not to take the Study Abroad opportunity, were answered and fulfilled this year. I was able to see this Land with them and my wonderful husband at my side. I am thankful that this was in the cards for me. That, even though I thought I'd be the mommy with 5 kids at my heels right now "in the thick of it", by only having my 2 children - was in direct accordance with being able to take this opportunity at this specific time in the history of the world.

My Sweet Ocean

Thursday, July 14, 2011

JUNIPER TREE

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